Comments (1) | Posted by Michele Michaels on June 22, 2011
The Skinny Pirate
Posted in: Useless Studies, Stats & More!
See who's drinking wine? Told ya!
According to a recent report in the Archives of Internal Medicine, women who drink 5 to 30 grams of alcohol a day are less likely to get fat. OK, so the Archives of Internal Medicine didn’t use the word “fat”, but you get my drift.
Don’t carry a handy gram counter with you wherever you go? No app for that yet? Not to worry: basically this means you can have a half glass of wine, a can of beer, or a shot of Jack, depending upon who’s buying.
My drink of choice is Captain Morgan & Coke. If my friend Adella orders them for me, it’s a Captain and Diet Coke (which she calls a “Skinny Pirate” and I call “Captain & Blech!”) This is beside the point, however; what I take exception to is the idea that all drinks are created equal when it comes to weight control.
My own personal research has resulted in a far different conclusion: One drink a day only works if you’re single and that drink is wine. How do I know this? Because I drink as often as I can (weekends and when the boss is out of town) and nobody would accuse me of getting any skinnier. But every unattached woman I know who drinks wine is able to zip her jeans without lying down on the bed.
Take for example my girlfriends: Girlfriend A (GFA) is a beautiful platinum blonde DJ with a derriere to die for (it’s Savannah Jones, so you can stop guessing). Girlfriend B (GFB) is another gorgeous blonde whose body is sheer perfection (Robin, this is you.) Needless to say, I secretly detest both GFA and GFB and avoid them whenever possible because by comparison, I am a sweaty female version of Shrek. Also in the party are Girlfriend C (GFC), a zaftig redhead with the face of a angel (love ya, Heather) and Adella (who defies description and a three-letter acronym).
Both GFA and GFB drink wine, almost exclusively. Me, GFC and Adella drink everything else. Of course, GFA and GFB are also both single…while the rest of us are married. Which proves my other point: Having a husband makes it necessary to drink something stronger than wine, and definitely more than one shot. In fact, my research has determined that for every hour you spend in the company of your spouse, a minimum of two shots is required to maintain something resembling sanity. I say “minimum” because there are occasions when only full-on intoxication will keep you from ending up on the evening news for “accidentally” putting a pillow over his head in his sleep.
So here’s the bottom line: If you want your bottom line to stay thin, drink wine whenever you can…and if you want to have an awesome getaway with your alcoholic girlfriends, go here and enter to win a free weekend at the gorgeous Allison Inn & Spa. Wanna touch up your toenails or fit in a facial before you go…for free? Drop by the Northwest Chevy Dealer close to you and test drive a new Chevy, and they’ll hook you up with a $40 Spafinder.com gift card–just make sure you’re sober at the time or the deal’s off. 
I know a lot of people sometimes overlook this day, I’m surely not one of them!! Thank you for your service and all that you have done for our Country! I was at my local Applebee’s last night and got word of what they are doing for our hero’s today! All veterans can stop by Applebee’s and get a FREE ENTRE! Not buy one get one, but a free meal! I wish more businesses would step up and do neat things like this! Thanks Applebee’s and thank you Veteran’s!
